I often get asked if I’ll ever have another baby. Truth be told, having just the one was never something I had planned out for myself. In a perfect world, I’d be with the father of my child and we together would decide if we would try to add another proverbial mouth to feed, to our nuclear family unit. Alternatively, my girl’s Dad would make child friendly choices for his life, co-parent with me, and in my ‘days off’ I would swipe a lot of rights, organize a few coffee dates and try my luck at finding someone new to spend my time with.
Here I am. Lone Wolfing. Full time working. Fuller time Mumming.
Dating??, you ask.
Getting out of my $8 Kmart night shirt so I can go shopping in my $15 tunic is hard enough. The thought of having to look nice, style my hair, wear make up and spritz some cheap perfume is actually overwhelming. Then, what happens if your single man turns up in sneans and dry Dad jokes. When your internal petrol tank is always close to E, it’s the small things that will push you over the edge.
When you work all week, and the bulk of your time with your daughter is during the weekend, the thought of wasting any of that time, for a date who could fizzle, is almost too much to bear. If arranging, and then paying, for a babysitter and stocking the pantry with her favourite tim-tams wasn’t bad enough, having to then sit in a café while you stare at the milk mo of a 35 year old that still lives with his Mum is enough to keep me at home. Alone. In my favourite elasticated pants.
Then there is the guilt. Some of it is valid.
‘Good Mothers are careful of who they introduce into their children’s lives.’
‘Mothers need to be role models to their little girls’
‘Mothers should stay at home’
‘Good Mother’s shouldn’t party’
How many dates should you go on before you introduce your pride and joy to your someone new? Especially when outings always mean a planned absence from their lives. Co-parents have this easy. In terms of dating, they’ve got the best of both worlds. But what about parents like me? No planned breaks, no guaranteed ‘me time’. Every frolick on the beach, and cocktail at the bar is more time spent away from a mini that only has me to rely on. Introducing them too quick is also not ideal. As a Mum, I am her greatest role model, the person that teaches her how life should be. I don’t want a conveyor belt of men coming through the middle of my lounge.
Dating friends is mostly out of the question. Especially when you’re a 32 year old single Mum, who works too much and cooks too little. The only dirty laundry I want my friends to see is the stuff that’s strewn across my bedroom floor. It’s probably my safest bet- but Mr ‘Friend-come-Hubby’ isn’t here yet and it’s not a good look to start befriending all the single men in the neighbourhood in the hope of meeting someone good. I’ve seen what my neighbor gets up to anyway and he’s definitely not my type.
So, for now, when someone asks me if ill ever add to my brood- and TRUST ME- having another mini, while I am driving in the solo lane, is definitely not at option- I count my blessings that I already have my wee girl. So many people I know have had to try so hard to have a baby,
so ‘even’ on her own she’s a gift. My one daughter is perfect, and for now, she completes my wee family. We are happy just the way we are.